His ex was an pill popper and two addicts together was a perfect recipe for disaster. Please don’t feel guilty or feel like you quit on her. If I were you I would try to get him to see a doctor for his depression. If anyone is genuinely interested in offering opinions or advice, please do, my family thinks i’m crazy for caring, most of my friends as well, but to my own detriment mostly, my heart is too big not to care, it could be her or any other unfortunate person that clearly needs help, but has none, and i would feel the same, we are all here together, my goal is to make sure anyone who happens by my part of this screwed up world gets the benefit of all the assistance to keep living and living as happy as possible. It hurts all of us and now I have to decide if I am going to leave him and split our family. You don’t have to do this alone, you’ve done that enough as it is. It’s like I’m living the same cycle over and over in hell. Talk to him and tell him you are there for him when he is sober and maybe try to see if he can move to a better living situation? I’m in a relationship with someone who drinks too. He needs to prove it with actions. I got the lines “I am an adult and can do what I want”, “you just want to control me”, “I can stop when I want to, I just don’t want to” I told him I cared about him and didn’t want to do this again, I even tried to comprise with him, I finally camre down to the fact that I would not stay if he was going to drink like that again. We are married with 3 kids. What will make you happy? ” where is the sweet man I have know over the years…. You want my honest opinion, having lived with a chronic alcoholic my whole life and mother can not stop drinking from my experience i can honestly say you cant help him no one can. I have no intention of saying to her she needs to quit drinking, make it seem as if there’s an ultimatum, me or the drinking, nothing of that nature at all. It was about a year later that his drinking had gotten out of hand. We reconnected after 20 years and when he is drunk, he would send mother can not stop drinking me extremely vocal and mean messages and blame me for his first marriage because of me and she was a replica of me…(nothing like me). They will resent YOU for not protecting them. Don’t say he’s not abusive to them; watching him abuse alcohol, and watching him mistreat their mother is abusive. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Thanks! She only lives to drink. We live in PA and the only way to get her involuntarily committed is to have a doctor produce a letter that she’s a danger to her self and have her closest relative take it to a judge, and get a judgement against her – but the doctors in the hospital refuse to do any such thing saying they’re not allowed to. I listened and took his verbal abuse over the phones for 8 months and I eventually put my foot down and put him in his place of bulling and he was shocked. Getting someone to stop drinking alcohol takes more than a singular effort. Trying to stop or change a persons drinking habits will often make it worse. If anyone knows how to help, please let me know and I’ll share it with my family. Learn to set boundaries. She’s been taken to the emergency room at signs and symptoms of gastric ulcers least weekly to save her life – all they do is resuscitate her and release her for the cycle to start all over again. I have been very supportive and kind to my old friend who led alcoholism and his own self indulgence ruining his life for the last 20 years. Do what makes you feel good. I am scared the past is helpful tips to stop smoking repeating itself and I sooooo don’t want to go back to the way it was before. She is so drunk that she is often passed out on the floor with cuts to her head where she fell. Well, here we are. Please take care of yourself because don’t forget, there are people who love you and hate seeing you hurting and want to help. But it was still good and I didn’t care as long as he did it in moderation occasionally. Of course that did not work out and sadly, they mother can not stop drinking had children together. It’s a long and difficult road but worth going down with a person that not only loves you but loves themselves as well. The best thing I can say is help yourself don’t let anyone bring you down life is to short live in the moment and be happy. Offer her the option of calling me, anytime, for a ride to wherever she needs to go, just to please stay out of the drivers seat when she’s been drinking. He’ll probably always want to drink and think about it every day. He buys time by saying he’s going to try to get better on his own. When they’re teenagers, and can fight back (or not) you’re going to see the damage this has caused. It’s affecting your children right now :( Wow, I was you 10 years ago. And how much of it is really acceptable for me to say to her? To put it short, he received dwis and his temper was so bad that i ended up leaving after the police had to be involved. It didn’t seems to be any cause for concern. If he does, you’re gonna need a lot of patients. I tell people all the time, you can love someone but that doesn’t mean you should be with them, sometimes love is not enough. I am tired of everyone telling me what I should do. He went 10 years without drinking and then started drinking on a few occasions. Just remember that you are the most important person in your life. Gaining alternative perspectives on what might be a serious issue is a good indicator of whether there is a problem. It’s going to affect your children. It is your choice whether to leave a cheating alcoholic husband or not. I really hope he can see what his disease is doing to the people that love him and wants tonget sober for them but more importantly for himself. But in the past 2 months I have seen him gradually increase, and now he is once again drinking regularly. I tried to talk to him and he blew up. The underlying problem is clear, custody issues with a very entitled baby daddy, and the depression that has set in from a mother being restricted from her child, i get it, it hurts, bad, something i do have a familiarity with, but having maybe less that two, three days of actual non work related contact, how to get across to her that the drinking is a real detriment to her life? But you can make your own choices do you want to deal with a cheating alcoholic husband or not? Leave him and look after your self and your kids, the heartache is to much to bear to watch someone you love throw their life away. His response made me feel completely worthless and like I didn’t matter when he said “I am going to drink because I like it, and if you want to leave then leave I could care less at the moment if you stay or not. I don’t know how long he has been abusing but alcohol fucks up your brain and it only gets worse over time. My advice, do not commit to anything until he has gotten sober and has proven a complete lifestyle change for 6 months or so. Let someone help you carry this load or else it’ll end up crushing you. I plan to initiate dialogue by reminding her that dead or in jail, she will not be able to see her son at all, and that will hopefully get her to see the logic in not driving? Addicts relationships should NOT have children and they can’t give love and nothing to offer to the next generation. Get him help ASAP. Sometimes no matter what we do, the person with addiction can’t be helped. If these people show their support and bring up the topic of a mother can not stop drinking potential alcohol problem with your loved one, there is more of a chance that he or she will realize that it’s time to seek help or addiction treatment. The bottom line is what Al-Anon teaches us: We didn’t cause it, we can’t control it, and we can’t cure it. Don’t believe any promises. I wish that I knew then what I know now what is kidney disease stage 3 about addiction. As if dealing with a troubled person with dependacy issues isn’t difficult enough, compound it the fact that since working at a convience store, i am actually becoming an enabler and i need help on how to be a positive, stable caring friend for a customer who has come in frequently to my store for months and just recently offered me the opportunity to become better aquatinted. She has already placed me in an awkward place of either upsetting he to the point mother can not stop drinking of lising her as a friend, or allowing her to drive home inebriated, which i did. As long as they take their drunk, the monster comes out and if they dont stop, you stay away. I hope the best for you. Anyhoo, if this has done anything at all, it was to allow me a place to vent, so thanks and happy holidays! I know FIRST HAND. While he’s away, she finds any way possible to get liquor. As hard as it may be to realize it, you’re likely much better off without that person in your life. Alcohol can seriously affect relationships between friends and family members, so it’s important to speak to others who are also close to your loved one to determine how they see the situation. When I met my husband he was a drinker and I accepted it at first. He has to want to get better himself. I’ve asked him several times and he cannot quit. I have thought it through and feel, as a casual friend, that asking her to make HERSELF a promise to not drive when she has too much to drink, might that be within the boundaries of a fledgling relationship? You deserve to live a happy, healthy life. Constantly making comments about a persons alcohol consumption or even deliberately watching every time they pour a drink is probably the most ineffective and destructive way of dealing with the problem. They will find their own kind to hang out and get deteriorated together or drink themselves to death and they wonder why they are alone? I wish you well and hope that it can be for you, even if it means letting go of him. I would be very interested in furthering our relationship, but at this moment just trying to be the best type of friend she could use, one that will lend an ear, not judge, and if need, drive 100’s of miles to keep her off the road while mid blackout, and to inform her that by putting me in the position of having to choose, lose her friendship by not allowing her to drive or lose her to being arrested or hospitalized, i will not allow her to drive like that again. I beat myself up repeatedly until finally learning she had made it safely home, but have not been able to express my unhappiness for being put in that position, had anything happened, i would have been just as guilty as her for allowing her the 10 mile drive home, and that is unacceptable. Once you have made it clear that a persons alcohol consumption is the cause of many problems with relationships and their behaviour and that you would like them to reduce their alcohol intake for the good of the “marriage, relationships, work, kids etc” then you have confronted the person with your concerns. His addiction is too strong. Nothing we say or do has best tea to drink to lose weight fast helped. I talked to him about my concerns and he promised me that if I ever asked him, that he would quit drinking. EddieE… I’m sorry to hear about your girlfriend. Her husband is what causes sciatica back pain working himself to death to pay off the mountain of debt that has accumulated. When I say regularly I mean he is having 3 to 9 a night that I am seeing and he is again driving under the influence. Now i had noticed the purchase of 2 tall boys and an empty cup several times, this being the routine, learned this was in preparation for her commute to work, so not surprised to find out there was more an issue and now concerned on my “rights” as to move forward as a friend or possibly more and address the excessive drinking. I love him and want to be with him, but I can’t do it all again either. My ex son in law drank himself out of his marriage the problem is they still love each other but his drinking gets in the way of them reconciling,he starts to drink on a Friday and stops on a Sunday night,I have pleaded and begged for him to go and get help but he is in denial and refuses blatantly,I am afraid that he is going to lose daughter and his son for good mother can not stop drinking as she feels depressed all the time as his drinking has now lead to him sleeping around because they are divorced,and at the same time he wants to reconcile,what more can I do or should we just let him be and move ,,,thanks My sister in law has been drinking herself to death over the past year and there’s nothing any of her family can do to stop her. I probably would have never married herbal tea that suppresses appetite him or at least not started a family with him. Stay true to yourself. If the person who is struggling doesn’t want to get better, we can’t change that…even though we desperately want to. He lies saying he will stop but doesn’t. Suicide is no joke. I am lost and hurt Only your husband can fix this problem. Treatment centers won’t take her unless she goes of her own free will, which she won’t. My husband and I divorced a couple of months because of his drinking,I realized after our divorce that I still love him and we’ve decided to try and revive our relationship for our son’s sake,but he seems to drink more than before,he only drinks from Friday to Sunday and then it’s excessively,he becomes rude,argumentative and lies all the time even have various one night stands and I’m beginning to blame the alcohol,but is it worth wanting to save a marriage that is so broken already please help,anyone :'( The only person who can stop an alcoholic from drinking is themselves. Only he will stop when he is ready. Next, put the responsibility on the addict to personally accept that they have a problem and that they need to deal with it themselves. Everyone has their own life and choices to make and you can’t make him stop drinking. We did end up back together shortly after, and he gave up drinking. The trick is finding healthy alternatives to keep busy with.