She said that my husband needed to address his alcoholism and related depression before we could make any progress with our relationship. He is a master of deception, he fooled them all. I’ve tolerated the verbal lashing far too long as it is. Thank you all for helping me to see that I am not alone. He is my best friends older brother. ” Well darlin’, if you don’t do it, it’s not going to get done! His pattern is to go 6 months or more without drinking, then have a glass of wine with dinner, then eventually two a day, then what causes ringing of the ears four (that fourth drink turns him into a mean, angry, beligerent stranger who can’t wait to tell me how I make him angry and that’s why he drinks) and eventually a whole box (5 liters) in a day, or a fifth of Whiskey…. Now I’m not sure what to do next, but atleast I’m out of physical harms way until I figure it out. I’ve got 5 herniated discs (C2 – C7) bilateral torn rotator cuffs and a blown out elbow. He didn’t have a clue. I go to work everyday! I will not find a relationship to replace these feeling, I really want this marriage to work. After about 10 sessions, our counselor told us we couldn’t continue. After 6 years of living together he begain drinking by himself almost daily. Yeah, It’s all mine! Enough to drop most people to their knees. He spends about about $800 per month in beer. I deserve better than this because I am a great wife. So far I am still dithering about what to do. And what about the future? He rarely drank by himself. He replies with, “Then eat! He’s stepped up the “games” even more although he was agreeable (I even confirmed with him the day before) to the separation agreement. I used to think that, now what are the causes of kidney problems I fear he won’t change and it is unfair to bring a child into the picture. I have read alot of the replies and they are all so similar to my situation, I know the most sensible thing to do would be for me and the children to leave him. He has a great job and he very smart. Heck, he was the one that left in the first place so why he is making an already miserable process worse? But he was distant. My husband is in the military and along with many other military members, he is an alcoholic. YIKES! I work hard,” he will say. I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost my right Fallopian tube. I tell him, “I’m hungry. I wouldn’t have chosen this life if I had known he was like this when I married him! ,” and, “I’d never put you in that situation, I love you! I retained an attorney 2 weeks ago and she’s drafting a separation agreement. how to help an alcoholic mother Prior to our wedding he quit drinking alone because I refused to marry him. I divorced my ex because of alcoholism. Please I need some good stories, give me hope… My story is, My functional alcoholic ex-boyfriend (yes I refused marriage 4 times) was so good at hiding his alcohol problem that he was able to gain school year custody of our now 8 year old daughter! I really really want him to get better, I don’t want for him to have to hit rock bottom first though. He is such a hard worker and a good soul when he is sober – and then there’s this monster that appears. I feel like such a fool. I throw things. He spent his money and took me to New Orleans for two nights in a nice hotel, but we didn’t even have sex. He has always had a drinking problem, however always was honest about it and for the first 8 years of our relationship mananged it where I could accept it. He graduated to physical violence this time around and broke two of my fingers because he thought I did not come home that night…when in fact it was just 4 hours after he left Christmas dinner at my sister’s home because he “didn’t feel well”, and left the dinner party. Unfortunately, he no longer wants to talk to me. When he awoke, he thought it was a different day! Let’s go unwind have a cocktail, let’s talk over a cocktail; it’s always an excuse to drink. I grabbed the dog and got out pronto after he twisted my hands until he broke two fingers. Of course, he reminds me it’s me (again! I just hope I’m doing the right thing. Not to mention he used the bathroom on himself cause he couldn’t get back to our room in time. He too, said he was depressed and denied he had any sort of drinking problem. Is it wrong for me to want better? After being single for more than 20 years, before marrying my current husband (after dating for 2 years) during that time I told him over and over and over and over how much I detest the smell of beer and booze in general. Number two. What a shrew I must be! He is a good dad to our daughter, honestly if it wasn’t for her I would have left already, but I’m so afraid he will try to take her from me. Not pee either…. I think now is the time for us to start talking. With all these animals it’s disgusting and unhealthy in here with all the hair. “I work hard all day, I’m not going to come home and vacuum too! ) that’s breaking our marriage vows by taking the step. I felt strange on the trip home. “No, I don’t want to go for a walk (play a cards, go get an ice cream, ride a bike, etc) I’m tired. I’m a mother but not. I love him but he is hurting us. I yell and scream. But I am sick of talking to a drunk every night. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. best ways to stop smoking weed I was as close with him as I was with his sister. I’m not sure what I’m even writing I just felt like I needed to write something and try to get me thoughts together. Ahhh… ya, I do! I just recently filed for divorce how to help an alcoholic mother after only being married for two years and I decided to do some more research before I made that final decision. My weekly grocery money is now down to $40 a week for 2 people, 2 dogs and a cat! Our children are fed up with him being drunk every time they come for a visit. It happened on main causes of liver damage Christmas day, which it seems is when it always happens…on my Birthday, on our Anniversary, on any holiday you can think of. I married my husband in Feb 2008. He thinks I am crazy and just want to start a fight with him, and there is nothing going on. I believed all his promises and all the stories he would tell me. My only draw back is not being loved, I’m very lonely and miss extremely tired after eating sugar companionship. He would drink when we went out with friends, or when others were drinking. Go buy something to eat if you’re so hungry! I get literally enraged with him when he drinks now. Because I paid cash how to help an alcoholic mother for this house before we were married. Sorry this is such a mess. Is there anyone that has weathered the storm and now has a happy alcohol free partner. My daughter won’t allow the Grand-kids to come over because Hubby is drunk all the time, and there is so much hair all over the floor, furniture, couches and in the air that it’s embarrassing! I have know him since I was 8 years old. But of course he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, and has absolutely no plan to do anything about it. I can’t stomach to be around him when he is like this. I so want to help him so he will be there for our 7 year old, my first husband died at 38 leaving me alone with 3 children, I do not want my 7 year to lose her father too. He has been clean for two months running – a first for many many years. I’m just not sure I’m strong enough, I want to be happy!!!! ) is not a viable option, especially when it’s quite apparent that he has only gotten worse, not better. The only place I have to go is my parents house and they are great people, but they smoke pot and I’m so afraid that he will try to use that against me. Gross!! I am so confused, depressed and sad. He was my best friend. In the early stages, I mistook his behavior for depression, or rather, defined his behavior entirely as depression. I’m so angry for how my life has turned out. “Oh, no problem Babe! Two months ago, I’m embarrassed to say we became pregnant again despite the heavy drinking. ” and “I don’t have a problem, I go to work everyday and the bills are paid,” he says. He now drinks on average 12-18 beers per day on a week day. I’m such an idiot! ” Yes, I bought it hook line and easy ways to stop smoking sinker. Of course, he was drunk a lot during the two days. I never noticed how bad his drinking really was because he was so good at hiding it. ” Well yeah, if there are only 2 of us living in the house and 50% of us are drunk 90% of the time, someone has to be in charge! So I stay. ” Ya, I could do that. My husband is a functioning alcoholic. I can’t describe how much it hurts to change the sheets on his bed and find a dirty magazine underneath the pillow and evidence of his affair with himself on the sheets. Three detoxes and relapses later, my husband is now in residential rehab. I have just physically removed myself from my home and marriage of 6 years because my husband finally graduated to physically harming me in one of his drunken “spells”. I try and do my own thing and not let his problem bring me down (even though it gets embarrassing at times. But the drinking is getting worse and worse and he is always saying really nasty horrible things to me. We thought that his depression might be related to our failing relationship, so we sought counseling. But, by the end of the week checks are going to start bouncing! Someone has how to help an alcoholic mother to stay engaged to make sure the roof doesn’t leak, the car isn’t repossessed and the city doesn’t fine us because the grass hasn’t been cut or the hedges trimmed in 6 months! On the weekends he usually will drink 24-30 beers by himself per day. Everything I said to the judge about his alcoholism, emotional abuse and anger issues was here say, I could not prove it. He then retreats to the bedroom, where signs of kidney problems in diabetics he sleeps it off for a few hours, then gets up, verbally abuses me, and starts drinking again until he needs to sleep it off for another few hours. He works every day, looks after the house, has always been good to our children, who are now adults, and adores our new granddaughter. In 8 short years it’s gone from 1-2 beers a week (that I saw) to 12-16 a night! But I love him and know what and awesome partner and father he is when not drinking, although those times are few now days. I tell him I would be more willing to help but he is the one who has to make the decision to fight this disease. We don’t have any kids and he says a child will make him change. I read that as, I don’t have time, I’d rather get drunk instead of spend time with you! Yup, me too. It upsets our children and is hard to ask them to not worry about it as it obviously affects them. Apologies for the long post, but just reading all the previous comments and writing this has helped. “What are you complaining about? I guess it’s a no win situation for me. “I’ll get a paycheck on Thursday don’t worry about it,” and “You run around here acting like you own the place,” he says. But, I think the worst part was when I realized not only is beer more important than I am, he’d rather masturbate alone than be intimate with me. It was just an excuse to get out of there and drink some more before he passed out. Barely! I am so fed up, it’s not okay for me to be pissed off almost every single day of my life. I’m so sick of it – I believe I have lost the feeling of love for him – I feel empty and drained – and down right pissed off that he has made his problem MY problem. At 53 I don’t think it’s fair that I should be living a celibate life, because his drinking prevents him from being able to have an erection. Wow, this site is really helpful and makes me feel so much less alone. Physical violence is not negotiable in my book. Silly me – I believed him – but as every one of you who have shared your stories knows – the only real love he has is for his how to detox your liver naturally red wine. On our way home, he said let’s stop and get some rum (my choice for a mixed drink) and let’s go home, get a shower, hang out in the bed and watch TV and spend some alone time together. Distant. We went to New Orleans and stayed two nights and had a okay time. There is a young child in the picture so I’m taking what I feel are necessary steps to best protect her future and my own but I see he’s not going to make it easy. I only drink occasionally! Then he says, “you’re always ordering me around and telling me what to do. Everything was great when we first met and fell in love. I’m not supposed to lift more than my purse, let alone vacuum! He gets mad if I discuss his drinking with anyone. After our wedding he picked up drinking alone. Judging from his actions in the last 6 months, I think he’d be ecstatic that I was the one that took the legal step but he’s not? I feel broken, worthless. He doesn’t help. I am watching him destroy himself and can’t do anything about how to help an alcoholic mother it. I’m married but alone. He repeats this how to help an alcoholic mother behavior every six months or so, and it always lasts from 3 to 5 days each time. Waiting until he’s ready to come back to us (he even said maybe he won’t ever! We’ve been dipping into the savings weekly for several years now just to tread water!